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Selecting Your BridesmaidsBy Walter Lorkin Selecting your bridesmaids can be, and often is, much more difficult and involved than one would imagine. It's not always as simple, or desirable, as selecting your best friend or sister. Most girls select their bridesmaids based on friendship or family. Others feel obliged to select friends that have promised that they would be bridesmaids at their (the friend's) wedding. What if you have a sisters and a best friend who is closer to you than your sister? What if the husband to be expects his sister to be the bridesmaids? What if you have no sisters and no really good friends? Or three really good friends but only want two bridesmaids? The answer to all these questions is to not act hastily. Your wedding is possibly the biggest day of your life (or will be at that time) and you should ensure that it goes off exactly as you want it. For this to happen the day needs careful planning. The bridal party play an integral part in the whole process and you should ensure that the people you really want are the people you select. Sometimes this may mean hurting other people's feelings but this happens at all weddings and can be softened with communication and empathy. Firstly I believe that no hasty emotional decisions should be made. We all know it is a terribly exciting time when we first get engaged and it is natural to want to shout it from the rooftops and tell the world. It is also natural to want to share it with your friends and family and so easy to promise people, in those moments of euphoria that they will be part of the wedding. But wait you are engaged to be married forever. So what is the rush? I strongly advise that the newly engaged couple take a lot of time to consider this aspect of the wedding. The selection of the bridal party impacts on just about everything involved with the wedding. By far the biggest impact is on the budget and the budget is the number one stress causing factor when planning a wedding. How you may ask does the selection of my bridesmaids impact on the wedding costs? Well if you have 2 bridesmaids that would certainly be cheaper than 3 or 4. Remember for each lady in the group there is usually a corresponding male! More costs. So sit down and have a lot of discussions about who would be best suited. You do not have to make any decisions on the day, or even within weeks and months, of getting engaged as to who will be your bridesmaid/s. The longer you are engaged for the longer you have to make these decisions. Use this time wisely and do your homework on all the thousands of other issues that you need to consider. By all means ask your best friend or your sister (I went to a wedding once where the mother was the matron-of honour and it was truly unique) or whoever, but make sure that is who you WANT and not who you feel obliged to have. Also ensure that she fully understands what is expected of her and that she is competent to carry out her duties. Where some people may be offended, for not having been selected, try to soften the blow by getting them involved in other aspects of the wedding. There are so many different areas that they can help and enhance the wedding - photography is just one of them. Floral design is another, as is catering. The list is endless. Just make sure that at the end of the day all your helpers feel equally appreciated. Another good way of keeping all the friends happy is to include them in anything that the bridal party does. So if you have any dinner parties or arrange girlie weekends take those who have been "left out" along. If I can conclude with one piece of advice above all others it is "Don't make any decisions when you are on an emotional high". I have seen these decisions backfire so many times. Selecting your bridesmaids can be a really difficult decision to make but if you take it slowly and consider all aspects, ask people to assist using their strengths and keep everyone informed then it becomes a lot easier. Good luck with selecting your bridesmaids. |
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